I’ve gone a whole month not speaking to any member of my family. While this may seem trival to some it’s a massive achievement for me.
I’ve finally stopped allowing myself to be a victim and finally able to say enough is a enough.
It’s been so hard. I’m addicted to the drama I’m addicted to the loathing, the negativity. It’s like a drug.
She has text me. Not with an apology or a realisation of what she has done but with a message that I’m sure she knows will massively guilt trip me. It took all my strength not to text. Or even to call and shout. I’m so angry that I feel I have to explain why I have done this but then I know it will have no impact and my situation would remain forever the same.
I’ve felt like I’m greaving. Like I’ve lost her. I’m angry that she hasn’t fought for me or my children. I’m angry that she fails to see how appalling her behaviour is. I’m angry that ultimately I’m the one without my family around me. Supporting me, watching my children grown up. I’m angry at how many years I’ve wasted protecting her. Failing to see what others have seen.
It’s been hard dealing with stuff on my own, were as I’d call her to moan and she’d tell me how difficult I can be *yawn* but I realised that I am strong. I’m quite capable of dealing with everyday life on my own. Without her negativity fogging my mind.
I’ve realised I’m a kind, forgiving person and I’ve realised that there are others there for me if I just allow them or just to reach out to them.
Do you know what the funny thing is? My older daughter has not even mentioned her! So little time she had for the anyway my daughter failed to realise that her nan has not been around. So really they are not missing out, as they never had that kinda love of her anyway.
But they gain a less hassled mom. A strong women. And who ultimately loves herself to never allow anyone even family treat her the way she has been treated. I’m the example I set for them. And that’s what I need to remember.
Sending love xxxxx