I wanted to write this to give others in the same situation hope and comfort.
Since cutting ties with my toxic family it’s got me thinking on a number of things.
Do I love my family? Or is it because society makes me feel that I should and have to love them? Are we born to unconditionally love or is it there for some of us and not for others?
I’ve pondered this for a while. When I compare the love I have for my children nothing comes close. Nobody. Nothing. I would ultimately give my life for my children. I cherish our random conversations, the random cuddles and show of affection they give me. I’ve never felt love like it.
I’ve often wondered if my mother ever felt that for me? I’ve never felt it of her. I see it with my siblings. I see the complete unconditional love she has for them. The devotion she has for them, and the smile she has when she talks about them. Unfortunately I’ve never had that approval.
I wonder if it’s not love I feel for her but the dependent addiction I feel for approval. Or the fact that society makes me feel it’s Un speakable to say I don’t love my mother.
Have you ever talked to someone and they tell you they don’t speak to family? Have you recoiled in horror? I have ! I never think into it I aways say ” oh dear that’s horrid that MUST make you sad!” What about if it doesn’t ? What about I say it’s the happiest that person has ever been? No we don’t think about that. We just think that we HAVE to and MUST have an unconditional bond that can’t ever brake.
We are all wrong.
I’m going to sound complete idiot but you only get one chance of happiness. And so what if your family are not there. I’m choosing to love myself. I’m choosing to allow others to love me the way I deserve. I’m showing my children that regardless of who you are love is kinda earned and respected. Love does have boundaries regardless of who it is. Regardless if they have their blood running threw you. I’m choosing love that loves me for me. But most importantly I’m also choosing to love myself a heck of a lot more.
If you choose to cut ties with toxic ones I advise you never to do it on an argument. That will only make you feel guilty. And you won’t be strong. Do it calmly. It took something silly for me to stand strong and say enough is enough. I wrote a nice text wished her well. Blocked every social media so I don’t get sucked in again and change her contact name to “your better then this”
Because I am. And so are you.
Lots of love