The creep called self-doubt

My happiness has somewhat left me these as few weeks. I’m not sure if it’s my pregnancy hormones, but I feel the shadow of self doubt slowly creeping back into my life.

It started with seeing posts on instergram. How glamorous someone looked, fashionable and beautiful. I suddenly felt little. A little voice saying ‘look at the state of you’. 

Now, I’m a comfy girl. Never been a dress up girl. When I was younger I was happy with that. Content. Yet now at 35 I feel I should be more ‘fashionable’ were more makeup, well, just stop being me. But then I fail to remember, I’m a mom of two. Busy school runs, I work unsociable hours, most of the time I barely have the time to shower let alone take care of fashion.

Yet no one has given me this self doubt. I’ve given it myself. I’ve allowed it to take me. I’ve allowed social media to define me. I’ve allowed it to follow me like a bully telling me how worthless I really am. 

Social media is a blessing and a curse. I hate the way it can damper your self confidence in one post. I hate the way everyone leads perfect existence and then shows of about it. How ‘in love’ they are. How they can’t wait for kids to open all their presents in the morning. How it’s raining and take a quick selfie with a slightly more confused look then usual.

I then start to question me. Why am I not like that?  

I don’t see what others see in me. I don’t see what my daughters see. I only see my flaws. My negatives. Not what people love. I’m to busy comparing myself to others on their pimped up social media accounts. I’m to busy living to post numerous of make-up heavy sefies. And if I did get five min I’d rather read or take a nice bath ( oh how I wish! )

Today I made a promise. 

Firstly I will limit my time on social media.

 I’m going to keep being me. Not to change. And be thankful I’m different, embrace it. 

Every morning I’m going to look in the mirror and pay myself a compliment. 

Lastly never forget to keep doing what I love, stop allowing other things to define me. 

No one tells me these negative things, I tell them myself. But you know what? I’m the example of set my daughters. And everyday I must remember they love me for me.

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