I wake up everyday with the hope that my anxiety is under control. Or even better, completely vanished out of my life and I’m normal again. Well as normal as I can be.
I’ve never really heard of anxiety, or its crippling effects it can have on your mental state.
The racing thoughts, your thoughts race through your mind so quickly that you cannot grab one and focus on it. Messy thoughts, then they all overlap each other and you cannot remember or focus on your main worry.
Its all the what ifs. What if? WHAT IF? Things you cannot control. You feel out of control because you cannot control. You cannot control Situations that are completely out of your control, and the fact that you can’t control them, spirals your mind into a mess. A big mess, till the point were you go to bed and feel like your head will explode.
You cannot focus on anything. Your tummy is into that much of an adrenaline rush, that you keep rushing to the toilet. You feel sick, shaky, heart palpitations. Its the feeling you get on top of a rollercoaster, that tummy feeling yet it never stops you can spend hours at the top of that emotional anxious roller coaster it never drops. Or that job interview, driving test, or just anything that requires that bit of adrenaline.
The friends that fail to notice your not concentrating as your worrying to much so you avoid contact with the outside world for a while. Or they say the most stupid thing ‘DONT WORRY,’ if only it was that bloody easy.
I cannot simply fix this anxiety. Not even medication can phase it out, yes it can dull it but it never completely leaves you. You end up fitting your life around your anxiety. Your family and friends will avoid telling you things for the fear of ‘worrying you’ I only do checks on my body when I know I can call the doctors, for the fear of setting myself into an overdrive of worry, thinking I will die.
So that’s how I live. How my wonderful mind works and fails me. There is no real tips I could give anyone, apart from a good doctor, mine saved me. Diet, cutting all sugar, caffeine out. Excersise and the best one that I realise I do, is breathing. focusing on taking deep breaths. It really does help.
But the main thing I wanted to say is, if any one you know has anxiety, remember it isn’t just worrying. We cannot stop worrying. Simply being there helps. One of my friends well talk me through the situation and help me ‘solve it’ that’s a massive help so then I feel I’ve solved problems before they have happened.
And last of all, do what you love.