As another friend seems to drift away I often wonder if our destiny is to be alone?
As I’ve got older I’ve had friends come and go. But I’ve also found as I’ve got older I crave friendship more then ever. Especially since having children.
Sometimes my only contact with outside life is the Internet, and even then I’m conscious of how much time I spend on there. When I put the phone down I realise I’m loney.
The work collegues that promise to stay in touch and eventually dissappear. The friends that never reply to texts or take that long you give up contacting them. The people that are way to busy to see you, And you realise their not your friend anyway. The ones that let you down at every opptunity. The ones that call when life gets shit and expect you to be there smiling.
I’m sick of people meeting up to ‘catch up’ not just to spend time in my company. Just to do something together. Not sit around someone’s else catching up on life’s events without truly caring.
When I was younger we use to sit around I’m groups, or walking around, watching TV together just enjoying being with friends. Now I rarely just be with someone just for the company. Now it’s to ‘catch up’ or I get the feeling friends feel obliged to see me as they have not bothered to stay in touch for months.
Also my lack of Facebook seems to hamper my social activity. I’ve seemed to miss out on what people are up to but then if they cared so much I shouldn’t have to be on there.
I’m fed up of organising met ups with friends and getting let down. I’m sick of sort of begging for my friends just to be there. I’m sick of caring for them and making sure there OK without them realising I‘m not.
I work with elderly and I’ve never seen ‘friends’ pop in, or even family really. It’s very rare that a family with pop in or they go out for a coffee. So it makes me question why do we feel the need for that bond? If we will eventually be on our own anyway?
Or am I just totally unlucky? Do I want too much ?
As I’ve got older I really only have two or maybe even one true friend that cares.
So do I carry on this way? Or do I just do me on my own with kids and be happy and thankful for what I’ve got right on front of me?